Last Sunday, we had our fieldwork for our NSTP class; we had to teach 2nd graders from out of town. There wasn't much teaching done because (1) we weren't prepared for it and (2) lazy asses, all of us. And so we just played with them.
There was one girl that I stuck with for the duration of our visit. She was the one I looked after the most, played with the most, and talked to the most. And she stuck with me. She wanted me to play with her the most and talk to her the most. Seeing her so happy because of me, it made my heart swell with pride and joy. I thought I wouldn't enjoy the trip – I don't like children so much because they're loud and hyper active, but it surprised me that at the end of the day, I genuinely had fun.
Although, there was one saddening thing I realized at the end of our fieldwork. When we were told that the trip is over and that we needed to head back to Manila, the little girl I was with cried. She hugged me and cried and said that she didn't want me to leave. At that moment I felt a pang in my heart. This little girl cried for me. She wanted me to stay but I can't. I wanted to stay a bit longer but I can't.
I know why I wanted to stay. For the first time, I felt wanted and loved. And it's weird how you can be surrounded by friends and family yet still feel so alone. Ironic that I felt most loved from a child I didn't really know and have no relation to whatsoever.
For a long time I had been that person who puts others before herself – tries to become less burdensome to lighten my parents' load, tries to be more patient with my sister, tries hard to always be there for my friends whenever they need me. Now I'm thinking, is it really worth doing all these things when no one appreciates it, or even acknowledges it? I know there is always that quote, "It's better to give than to receive", but what if all you ever do is give and never receive? What do you do then?
No comments:
Post a Comment